How To Balance Out An International Marriage

Fairy lights around hands.
If you plan to marry someone, make sure you’re both a fit. | Photo by Anastasiya Lobanovskaya on Pexels

An international marriage is a lot like a seesaw. You probably haven’t been to a playground in a while. At least it’s been a while since you went to play at one. However, if you happen to find yourself at one of them, give the seesaw a good look.

When it’s in use, you’ll notice that it goes up and down, and up and down, and so on and so forth. You cannot move the seesaw if there are two people who weigh the same thing on opposite ends. If you put one person who weighs more than the other on one end, then it will never get started.

A seesaw functions because of its imbalance. To make it work, you need the right balance between imbalance and balance.

International dating works a lot like that. No one is perfectly equal. Inequality can be particularly prevalent when one of the partners moves cities or even countries so they can be together. While one person has a home, social network, and knows their way around, the other will be lost like a little puppy.

It’s impossible to avoid the fact that relationships are not always perfectly balanced. There will be one partner who has the upper hand. Those who have the upper hand can and will change.

Even when you have the upper hand in a particular scenario, there are many ways to be respectful. A good way to not be a jerk about it is to help the person who doesn’t have it.

The Geographic Imbalance

An ideal long-distance relationship ends with you and your partner being able to spend as much time together as possible. A person in a long-distance relationship who wants to be with their partner will have to uproot their life in order to become a part of the other person’s life.

But if you plan to marry someone, what’s your plan after marriage? What plans do you have for after you get them to walk down the aisle to you?

A lot of western men marry women from around the world and don’t have proper plans in place to make the transitions easier for their partners. Don’t be like them.

Couple on a beach
Men and women both want equal partnerships. | Photo by Asad Photo Maldives on Pexels

Moving to an unfamiliar country, to a place where you only know one person and have no idea where you are, is a pretty big sacrifice. There is nothing quite like familiarity, regardless of how useful maps and apps are.

Therefore, it’s the local partner’s responsibility to introduce their new spouse to their new home and familiarize them with it. While it may seem like a small thing, knowing your way around can make adjusting a lot easier and counterbalance the imbalance that results from not being local when your partner is.

The Social Imbalance

You’re most likely not going to know anyone if you move to a new country. It’s possible you know someone living there or you have a friend from the time you studied abroad there, but most people who relocate to new countries won’t know anybody unless they move to them with someone.

So that woman you married and brought home from some foreign country? She’s basically on her own. With the exception of you and any friends and family you choose to introduce her to, she is all alone.

You know people, though. So you are responsible for introducing her to your friends and family, then they will introduce her to theirs and then she will begin making friends herself.

Chances are that if you live in a large metropolitan area, you or your partner will have easy access to a diverse range of immigrant communities. It’s possible that she may run into men and women from her home country.

In that case, she will be able to bring part of her culture with her to her new home. Although it may be diluted somewhat, the basic gist will still be there.

Your partner will be a more well-rounded individual when you equip them with the tools they need to build their own relationships, which will lead to a happier relationship overall.

Couple at sunset.
Imbalance can offset even the strongest international marriage. | Photo by Rosie Ann on Pexels

The Linguistic Imbalance

You might fall in love with a girl who speaks a different language from you. It is possible that you guys can communicate well enough with each other at home, but the outside world may be unaware of the workarounds you have for the language barrier.

Therefore, the person who moved countries won’t be able to communicate as effectively outside the home, since the outside world won’t know the shorthand they share with their partner.

A person can feel very isolated in this situation. In addition to making them reliant on their partners, it can make them incapable of fostering any type of relationship outside of their partnership. This is one of the biggest international marriage problems out there and it’s something that many foreign women who marry American men have to deal with.

Changing the community and making them speak her language is impossible, but you can learn what she says. It will be easier to communicate with her if you know her language because it allows her to form her own social circles and have a life outside of the relationship.

The Emotional Imbalance

Emotions are felt differently by different people. Anger is a good example. There are people who lash out and others who bury it deep. Another group of people channel their anger into productive endeavors.

In many ways, love is like that. Quality time may be one of a couple’s love languages, while acts of service may be another. The problem arises when you constantly do things for your lady when what she wants is to sit with you.

It’s important to discover the sweet spot that you and your partner can enjoy expressing your love for each other. The ability to express love for each other is a very important part of being in a long term relationship with someone.

In an international marriage, balance doesn’t always mean being the same. Take a look at the seesaw once more. If two people are not exactly the same weight, they can still use it for its intended purpose. You do not have to be the same to work together, you just have to fit together so that everything works for you both.

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